What's a Heartsong for anyway?

Oh man, this has been one of those mornings where I would have loved to stay in bed and it's only 9:00 am.

I know I run a pretty busy life. I like to take on more than I should be able to chew. I like being in charge of things and making sure they come off ok. But occasionally it catches up to me and I crash. Like this morning.

Last night I spent most of my evening working on a group paper and preparing a presentation for another class that I will be presenting later today. The way this group operates kind of pushes me out of my comfort zone. I'm used to synchronous work in the same location. I'm used identifying tasks, doling them out, and seeing everybody get them done. Last night was so different. I'm almost surprised our presentation came together. I'm still not sure how it will go. I still have to make sure our handouts get printed off. There are many variables I can only hope go well. On top of that, I still have to eFile my taxes and the only barrier is a financial one, which is stressful enough in and of itself. In fact, one of the few things I'll really let get under my skin.

So I came to work this morning about ready to destroy something--because for some reason that's the first thing I think will make me feel better. Instead, I shut my office door and fired up my laptop. First thing I notice: it refuses to connect to the office wireless. The point goes to Ubuntu! At this point, I'm about ready to blow up.

Instead of destroying everything around me, I fire up Songbird since I can't get to Last.fm. I start up "Grapevine Fires" by Death Cab for Cutie. I shut the door. I turn the volume up.

I love this song, but for some reason the sounds enveloped me and I stopped paying attention to it. For some reason, it made me think about God. This was weird. This kind of thing hadn't happened before.

I'm taking a Leadership in Organizations class with Dr. Colleen Jones right now. She makes a big deal about teaching spirit and soul in work and in leadership. It was an odd concept to swallow at first, but it grew on me after a while. We had to read Leading with Soul for class. It's odd because I had to read it when I was a freshman and I thought it was the most expensive piece of fire-starting material I had ever seen. Reading it again as a senior, I saw so much more value in it.

The book illustrates the idea that the soul and spirit are real entities within an individual. It is interesting that the authors make a case for the soul and spirit without using religious words. This isn't a biblical concept to them. This is something we all can relate to. The spirit is the intangible way we relate to people. It is the ethereal way in which we connect and relate to the world around us. It's what we connect to when we inspire and share experiences with each other. The soul is what feeds and drives the spirit. A strong and well-attuned spirit can connect with the spirit and influence it. It works in harmony with it.

Well, I am a 'religious' person. I do see spirit and soul in a biblical sense. And this morning, mine were battered. I have taken on a huge load and I've made a considerable effort to manage it myself. This morning, I snapped into prayer without even thinking about it.

The book speaks of a 'heartsong' or prayer. It is the way in which we connect with our souls. It is how we reflect inwardly and meditate on who we are, what our significance is, and what it means to just exist. For me, it is my way of attuning my soul to my God.

Amidst the stress, the exhaustion, and the sonic ambiance as supplied by the oh-so-wonderful Death Cab for Cutie, I turned to prayer. I reevaluated the position of my soul and spirit before my God. I reevaluated the nature of my work and became that much more thankful that I even had the opportunity to be a good steward of my talents and the needs around me. Most importantly, I remembered I'm not in this alone. I don't have to manage all my personal stress by myself. My strength lies not in myself but in my Lord. My faith means more than my one-time salvation, but in my present-active salvation from life itself.

I don't know what it was, but I just snapped this morning--and it was in a good way. It reminded me the importance of finding ways to stop, reflect, realign, and be at peace with the world. I don't expect life to get any easier, and being able to leverage my 'heartsong' will be so important as I grow.

I think the book tries to emphasize that everybody has a heartsong. Prayer doesn't have to be a thing of faith. It is a thing of self-evaluation, internal dialogue, contemplation, and a conversation with the essence that makes you 'you'. This sounds incredibly corny, I know, but the idea is that we should be attuned to the intangibles of our lives. We should be able to balance our ethereal essence with the hard reality of the world around us. I think it's kind of a cool idea.

A lot of my posts have been technically related lately. I haven't really taken a religious leaning in my writing lately. This morning was just an interesting experience for me and I thought I'd share.